Breaking the Cycle of Busyness - How to Help Your Students
Busyness has been a badge of honor in the United States for as long as I can remember. We have a learned need to always be productive and that has resulted in us putting too much on our plates without us even realizing it until it’s too late. I can’t tell you the number of people I know who accidentally double book themselves (or in some cases triple or quadruple book) in fear of missing out. People are afraid to say “No” because they think they may miss an opportunity because of it. And unfortunately that fear isn’t entirely ridiculous (but that’s a conversation for another day).
It’s a cycle that gets passed from parent to child and from teacher to student. For students, it can show up by having activities that fill every single night of the week on top of a busy school work load. Maybe your student or child wants to do these activities because they truly enjoy them (and even in this case, you still need to have a conversation about if it’s worth it.). It’s also possible that they feel like they HAVE to do so many activities to seem competitive on their college applications, or that it’s expected of them to join all of these clubs, or that if they DON’T completely fill their time it means they’re lazy.
But why is busyness so bad? The first one is obvious - if you’re so busy that you don’t have time to get anything done, that’s not a good thing! If your student physically doesn’t have time to practice, that’s not good! And it might be controversial, but if you’re wondering why they’re choosing to spend their only 30 minute break relaxing on the couch instead of practicing, you might need to take a hard look at your own priorities, too. Second, constant busyness isn’t good for your long term health. It can (read: will) lead to burnout, chronic stress, and a feeling of guilt.
So how do we break it?
You, as the teacher, have to unlearn it first.
Students and children learn most from watching the examples around them. In order to best serve your student, you need to show them a healthy work-life balance. That means setting boundaries in regards to when you schedule lessons, performances, and rehearsals. Show your students that it’s OK to have a personal life and hobbies outside of music.
Understand that not every student lives for music.
And that’s okay! Not everyone is going to become a professional musician. Your job is to show them how to love and appreciate music and you can’t do that if you associate music with stress. (In fact I know many music majors who have never picked up their instrument after graduating from music school because of this!)
Get to know their lives outside of music.
What do they like to do for fun? Do they have other commitments? What are they doing at school? Not only should you be interested in their lives, but it will also give you a good idea of how much to assign for lessons, how high to set your expectations, etc. Plus you’ll then know if they have finals that week or a big dance competition or tech rehearsal. You can wish them luck and ask them about it at their next lesson!
Don’t push them to play in every recital, competition, or ensemble.
Ask them how if they think they can commit the time to learning music or attending rehearsals before pushing them to do something. And then be OK with it if they say no. This will not only teach them how to prioritize their time and figure out how to fill their plate with a good amount of things for them, but it’s also going to help teach them that if they say “No”, they’re going to be respected. If they seem on the fence, it might be okay to nudge them a little. If that’s the case, use this opportunity to talk about how to schedule your time and whether or not taking on another thing would be beneficial.
Let them know it’s okay to not do all the things.
I’ve had this talk with a couple of my students who always tell me how stressed they are/how important it is to get into college/how they don’t sleep enough. Let them know it’s okay for them to not do everything. It’s not worth being miserable or stressed out 24/7. If you think it’s worth discussing this with the parents, feel free to send them an email or give them a phone call asking how you can best support your student.
Now does all of this mean that you shouldn’t hold your students to high standards? No. But it does mean that it’s possible to find a balance between holding high standards and helping them become a whole person. Do you struggle with busyness and how has it affected your life? Share in the comments below.